Talking to the lone lobster left in the tank at the supermarket to calm down and feel connected.

Talking shit to the firing squad.

Smiling wide as you allow your latest ghost to slowly come out of you in front of others, unseen.

Smiling wide as you allow someone else’s latest ghost to go into you as if you earned it.

And you have.

You have you have you have!

The feeling that if you head-butted a cannonball coming at you the cannonball would explode into dust and the dust would smell so pretty and it would shower you and you’d be smiling.

The feeling of victory in having head-butted every skyscraper into the ground, like hammering nails.

Standing there with your hands on your hips, every building buried and nothing left to do but enjoy your work.

Goodbye to you all.

Identifying yourself through anxieties outside of yourself that are too close to see and seem part of who you are.

But that’s not who you are.

Waking up as punishment.

Waking up as a magic trick where everything you hate about yourself comes out of your face and creates the world.

Waking up and praying, ‘Brickmaker in heaven, send down many bricks.’

Sex with bad breath.

Trying to throw a paper airplane through a brick wall.

Days the equivalent of coloring an entire coloring book one color.

Where the sun is just a bomb too far away to do its job.

Ouch ouch ouch.

Looking down at someone you were, with total disapproval and denial, as a celebration.

Celebrating the death of the last thing you tried to be.

So many knives in your heart you can’t even tell what it is anymore.

One more knife to push out an existing knife.

Which means on to new doubts.

Which means no one can teach you anything you don’t already or will never know.

Like me right now.

Which means have fun giving out trial versions of yourself and reserving the real you for a world you believe in but will never see.

And have fun standing there while every world you believe in falls to the ground like a paper backdrop.

Spitting at the firing squad.

A firing squad of unloaded guns just clicking.

Screaming back at the clicks.